MIGHTY DEEP STUPID THREAD VI
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...I actually did a set of illustrations for a SciFi con art show titled "The Empire Sells Out"which was compromised of fictitious adverts for products like Killer Lite Beer (with Darth slicing the top off a beer can with his light saber and the slogan "even galactic meanies like the easy open cans"), Old Space Deodorant (With the scene of Luke working out with Yoda in the backpack - "So Master Yoda a Jedi in training never quits" to which Yoda does an aside: "He needs the Deodorant that never quits") and Alderaan Tourister luggage (which had the foot of an imperial walker about to step on a suitcase).
...all of the pics sold.
...I actually did a set of illustrations for a SciFi con art show titled "The Empire Sells Out"which was compromised of fictitious adverts for products like Killer Lite Beer (with Darth slicing the top off a beer can with his light saber and the slogan "even galactic meanies like the easy open cans"), Old Space Deodorant (With the scene of Luke working out with Yoda in the backpack - "So Master Yoda a Jedi in training never quits" to which Yoda does an aside: "He needs the Deodorant that never quits") and Alderaan Tourister luggage (which had the foot of an imperial walker about to step on a suitcase).
...all of the pics sold.
Sounds like fun. Considering who now owns the Star Wars franchise, I fear that your spoof (The Empire Sells Out) may become fact.
"Aw, Mom, not in front of my friends..."
"Thank you, you've been a great audience...And now for our final number we'd like to do a little something we call 'Hakuna Matata...'"
"What can I say? Chicks dig me."
(OK, let me think...16 mongooses and one cobra...yep I'm pretty much screwed.)
The last time I saw Autumn was the last day of November.
I had come home from my final class meeting -- more an informal hang-around moment, followed by a lunch -- and as I made my way back home I watched angry wind whipping around, blowing arctic coldness with the full fury of upcoming winter. I could hear her maddening howl, Winter's, that is.
When I got back home, I was half-frozen from chill, and I sat down with a good cup of hot tea to warm up. Sadly, I never had a chance to enjoy it, as something caught my eye on my way back to computer desk. A fleck of redness in the dull grey of afternoon, a tiny sound that managed to cut through the wind.
I saw Autumn hobbling down the slope of the parking lot. She was holding her side with a tight clutch, and drops of blood specked down and turned into dying miniature maple leaves. She was withered, and grey, just like I had predicted; her proudly defiant clothes were in tatters, and now even more so on the side she was holding. Cloth had torn like she had met a wild beast.
"Crap!" She wasn't a human, but she was human-shaped enough to draw out all the urges to do the right thing and help someone in need. I slipped on my boots, and ran outside, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and comfypants, which were comfortable enough indoors, but now felt like ice was trying to drill through them to get to my skin. "Okay, hold on, hold it there..."
I tried to give her support, but despite her apparent frailness, she still weighed a ton; she collapsed to the ground and laid on asphalt, while blood like red leaves poured out from her side.
"C'mon!" I slapped her face lightly to try and bring her back to consciousness. "Wake up, please. You can't die here, I have to get you..."
"To where?" she wheezed. "Oh, the summer-lover again." Her head had lifted up, now it dropped back. "No, you can't... and you were right. She's coming, and she's terrifying."
I heard a bestial howl carried by the brutal, biting wind, and looked around; the sound was something that made the primitive monkey in my brain to drop a load to its pants and hit all panic buttons with one go. "No, let's go inside, let's not stay here, okay? I'll try to bind that up, I'll call my friend, she's a doctor..."
She wheezed again, only this time there was a distinct gurgle to it. "What are you, stupid? Your friend wouldn't even see us! And..." Her bloodstained hand lifted up a bit, as if trying to tell something to me, but she was too weak to say anything at this point.
I felt a cold breeze going down my back, and flakes of frost danced by us, and the wind seemed to bite even more fiercely than before. Hair was standing at the back of my neck, but I knew it had nothing to do with cold. It was the primal sensation of a terrifying predator right behind you, breathing down your neck; the feeling of prey being stalked.
"Don't..." I heard Autumn whisper, while her fiercely red and yellow eyes began to dim. "Don't... look... her... eyessshhhh..."
A new gust of cold wafted past me, closer than before, and I turned around to face what was behind me.
Which, in retrospect, made me do what Autumn told me not to do.
She was gaunt, and dead white in color; ice sparkled on high cheekbones, and she was technically a humanoid-shaped thing... just distorted to a ten feet tall monstrous being. Her cloak was made from skinned white wolves, and every time she moved, snow and ice fell out, carried away by the everpresent wind around her. Under her cloak she wore nothing, but then again, everything was covered by layers of sharp-looking frost. Her mouth... her mouth seemed to open way too much, and it had way too many teeth made out of crystalline ice.
And then... there were eyes. They were black, solid black, and filled with darkness of a winter's night, of the sort that makes people dread whether the sun will ever rise again. Kaamos, my brain whispered. It was impossible to shift your gaze away, once she had caught your attention. Those holes of black felt like insects eating at my soul, one bite at a time, and I fell into terrifying darkness that went on forever. In meatspace, I collapsed to the ground right next to Autumn; my sight dimmed, and I saw Winter looming above us, looking down... puzzled.
"You're... not... dead yet, summer-girl." Autumn wheezed, spending her last breath. "W...hy?"
I had no answer to that. Neither did Winter. She simply bowed down, and finished her younger sister by smashing a ferocious, bestially clawed hand down.
I passed out.
I woke up.
I found no trace of either season -- that is, in their physical representation -- but saw blood-red leaves frozen to the surface of asphalt next to me. I sat up, curled against my legs, and made a choking sob; while Winter's terrifying eyes did not slay me outright, they had not left me untouched. Darkness was budding inside me, and blossomed like a deadly flower germinated in soil of slain dreams.
I dragged myself back to my apartment, back to my now-cold tea, left it behind, and curled under my covers.
I wanted nothing more than hibernating until the winter was gone.
Awesome Ski! Thank you for the nice read. I'm so happy to see you around again.
awesome as always!
awesome as always!
Just in case you missed it...All the Homo Erectus stuff and the Millennium Dragon 2 are now on the Free 3D Models page.
Oh, how cute!!
Stop, Frank. You're making me want to get a kitten. No way, we have 4 dogs and 1 cat already. And a 7-yr old and a 15-mo old. No, no, no. My resistance is slipping.
Hi all :) Look at all these animals, this is more like a zoo thread... Or maybe I'm in Africa ?
Ski that is great. Still think you'd make a great author :)
I am strangely enough having issues with daz. I'm not sure what brought it on, if I accidentally pressed a key that I shouldn't have, I dont know... My view port quality has dropped, all the models look low quality (It was from memory of higher preview quality, genesis was smooth, and dialed morphs were quite well displayed) Almost like if you switch off sub division (It's ON so you know) And I checked my daz preferences and they are all set to highest quality... I dont know whats going on :-S
Disregard my last. A reboot solved it. I just have no idea why it happened in the first place.
Sounds like fun. Considering who now owns the Star Wars franchise, I fear that your spoof (The Empire Sells Out) may become fact.
...well put.
The even funner part was I did this just before Lucasfilm decided to go whole hog into marketing of the franchise. I remember when they wouldn't even licence things like "glue together and paint" styrene models of the ships.
...simply beautiful.
*bows* Thank you, thank you.
Nice, Ski. The next thing is that Spring will b*tch-slap Winter for her transgressions, right?
The Derpy Side.
I've wasted my life, when I could have dedicated it to accomplishing something important like this.
http://news.yahoo.com/swedish-ice-pole-sitting-contest-6-winners-135150193.html
Best board game...ever.
One for the older guys.
After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.
Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
...in college we used play Risk using M&Ms; for the armies. We used the regular ones for the single armies and the Peanut ones for the "tens". When one conquered a country, he/she got to eat the defeated armies.
Chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!! My idea of a good game. Defeated armies are calorie-free which makes it healthy.
We'll see when the spring arrives!
We'll see when the spring arrives!Great!! I'm waiting on that time myself...
Until then I present this.....
Bunny splosion on a kitteh! How can it be!?
And just for STUPID this....
Teacher: Johnny, what is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Johnny: I don't know, and I don't care.
Teacher: Correct.