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I'm trying to think up a good one for here as well.
Can you explain this game to me call me duhhhh but I have never played D&D or any of them RP games.
As close to RP games I have come to is Secondlife in which I do not even play that anymore.
From a haze of mist.. dust.. something.. appears..
Nocan Dizlectiqus the Bearabrain!
who would have been a mighty wizard indeed if it wasn't for his cripling dyslexia that made reading spell books something between hilarious and mortally dangerous - switching syallables when summoning rabbits has interesting effects that make sure no rabbits appear. Demons, however, are curious and often came to see what all the chanting is about. This was all so frustrating for poor Nocan that he regularly broke out in a rage fit for a barbarian. Thus making him likely the only wizard/babarian multiclass in the multiverse.
If you'll have him, that is..
Sir Smuggly Smuggins has a suggestion,
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins]: "Would you fancy a nice cup of tea dear ? We can sit down over here and have a nice chit-chat about the rules - I happen to have a copy with me."
[He notices the cheapskate is here]
(Sir Smuggley Smuggins]:"Gadzooks ! Cheapskate ! What are you doing here ? Who let you out of your cage you ugly troll, eh what ?"
Oh dear, here we go - he's off...
(Sir Smuggley Smuggins]: "I thought that this was a nice thread, for nice people ! But then I suppose it's appropriate that you're here - this thread is about ridiculous characters after all, and you're one of the most ridiculous characters I've ever seen ! By Jiminy, they've really had a go at you with the ugly stick haven't they ! You're one of the ugliest trolls I ever caught !"
Etc.
Don't worry, I'm used to it. He's stark raving bonkers if the truth be known. Anyway I'm not that ugly for a troll... and I'm not even really a troll - I'm more of a big goblin. Do you think that if I reported him to a moderator for being rude to me they'd ban him ? How would that work then ?
Alternatively Wikipedia has a short article about RPGs ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Role-playing_game ) which will give you the very basics (the classic/original tabletop version is the one we're talking about).
I'm also trying to think of an original (i.e. less boring) way to explain RPGs... I think I have a novel idea for that. Have you everplayed boardgames like Monopoly ? If so, then I've included a transcript of the First Monopoly Role-Playing event in a later post.
On the other hand, if the game you're asking about is what's actually going on in this thread (rather than the RPGs themslves) then it's more akin to Mornington Crescent.. (no, that's not the Wikipedia link which is far too trivial - it's a mathematical analysis of winning strategies, and also includes a link to "Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac 2002",of whose existence I was completely unaware !) There's also a sporadically ongoing game of Mornington Crescent on the Commons forum.
.
Cover image for the AD&D™©☠ book of rules taken from Wikipedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeon_Master%27s_Guide#/media/File:DungeonMasterGuide4Cover.jpg - I hope it's alright using it here. If not I'll have to substitute it with the Necronomicon, but then the whole thing turns rather bizarre. Sir Smuggly Smuggins reading from the Necronomicon ?
Make sure that you don't think too hard, and don't worry too much about the "good" bit...
Do I see (or rather, sense) the malignant influence or Torquey Mulder* Tounguetwister working behind the scenes here ?
*That was a fortuitous typo - I think that I prefer this name with an L. It implies that there's a partner, and we can probably guess who the partner is, can't we !
Mysterious cowled figure: "Why are you looking at me ? Go away ! Shoo ! Mind your own business ! Away with you, you scallywag !"
This mysterious cowled figure's face (at least what we can see of it), makes me think of Sir Ian McKellen (you know... Gandalf, Magneto, Dr Theodore Cuza...), so I'm imaging that line being spoken in a very dramatic Shakespearian manner. That's rather odd, because the face morph I used is actually Kyle Maclachlan - I couldn't find a David Duchovny.
Noooo... Skully is actually wearing the 'Blood Bound Pants' from Blood Bound (DAZ store)
To that, I can only say: "The truth is out there"
I'm confused ? ...
After approving this a thought struck me: Am I Are the panel Is somebody (or something) actually supposed to be approving the names that people suggest, or is it just the renders that need approval ? And who's actually supposed to be doing the approval ? It can't be the panel of serious gamers, because it's the names and characters that they don't approve of that should get approved, isn't it ? And it shouldn't be me, because that means that I'd be approving or rejecting my own names and renders which is a conflict of interests, isn't it ?
I'm beginning to suspect a dark presence lurking behind the scenes... No, I'm not talking about you Sir Smuggley Smuggins, you're a beacon of light and hope in the darkness...
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins]: "Why thank you cheapskate ! For an ugly troll I have to admit that you're politeness and vocabulary are improving - I think that's proof that our little program for captured trolls is working, don't you think so Donald* ?"
( Hmmm... I wonder... I mentioned something similar about a lurking malevolence in the previous post, didn't I ? )
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins (in a loud voice)]: "Ahem! Donald, while you're here why don't you help yourself to one of these delightful cakes?
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins (in a less loud but more annoyed voice)]: "No ,not that one - that's mine! One of the others. Why do you always go for the one I've already bagsied, eh?"
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins (in a stage whisper)]: "Donald, as soon as you've finished your cake, would you be a good chap and go and get the little fellows? Tell them to see the Quartermaster, and bring the heavy duty troll-catching requisites and the biggest pot of honey available. Now off you go, toodle-pip!"
*No, that's definitely NOT a reference to the Trump ! It's a reference to the Pleasance. I wonder whether anybody ever saw those renders...
...and on the subject of correct pronunciation with regards to wizardly incantations we have another oldie originally posted at RDNA...
It Said You Pronounced Its Name Wrongly... Uh-oh! You're in BIG trouble now!
...and I think I've just worked out the secret identity of a well-known* superhero...
The name was a bit of a clue, but it was really the 'gazing-into-the-distance-in-a-superior-manner-to-commune-with-the-cosmic-cabbage' look that gave it away. Even behind the mask.
Just goes to show that you have to be really careful when you name your kids.
I'm still searching to see if I can spot Knot and Button anywhere in this year's Who's Who Of RPG Characters. I originally made the mistake of only searching in the Fantasy section - I hadn't expected that any of them would have made the leap to another genre, least of all the 'Superhero' one. I now have a suspicion that we might find Knot Thwackmallet as a hangman in a 'Western' genre RPG (so possibly an NPC - I hadn't thought of checking Non Player Characters), or as a vampire hunter in a 'Horror' RPG. Button Thwackmallet might be a button-pusher, so perhaps something like Colonel White in Captain Scarlett? Or maybe a bellboy/servant (NPC probably) in a 'Fairytale' RPG (not sure I've ever heard of one of those). Of course I may be completely wrong. But I haven't had any luck so far, so if anybody else happens to find them could you post them here? Be on the lookout for that superior looking into the distance, as that seems to be the Thwackmallet's trademark.
*Whaddaya mean "I've never heard of him" ?
CyberSonja -
Seriously people, I can't believe you put me in a chainmaille bikini. does it look like I NEED any more metal? And what is up with gigantic sword,which, I might add, does NOT match this silly bikini you put me in. I mean, really, if your gonna do it, at least make it all match! And whose idea was it to electrify this sword? Do you not realize that ummmm, maybe electricity and itty bitty delicate computer chips JUST MIGHT NOT GO TOGETHER! oh and lets not get started on the hair. Red hair? Really? You do know my name is Sonja right? Is this some kind of joke? .
Best stay clear of that lady, electricity tends to sting a bit. I do hope she doesn't end up frying herself ;)
As for Captain Cabbage.. That superior staring into the distance look must run in the family. Who'd have suspected that particula family would bring teh world more than one (super) hero?
As for approving names.. random is as random does. *nods sagely*
Oh yes, she does look angr... ! "She's gonna be a psychotic cyborg! I'm not beaming down onto a new planet with a psychotic cyborg! (Especially not when I'm wearing a red shirt!) Not again - remember what happened last time... ?" (Sorry, he got that in before I could stop him)
Personally I think that she's a magnificent cross-genre character - she'd be at home in Fantasy, Sci-Fi and Superhero RPGs (thinks: could we be seeing a superhero team forming - Cybersonja, Captain Cabbage, [any more suggestions?] ). Anyway, shall we listen in on what the panel of serious gamers are saying ?
Second Serious Gamer: "I tend to agree - never trust a cyborg. Look at the history - Ash, David..."
Third Serious Gamer: "No! No! No! You can't back up a statement like that by selectively choosing cyborgs from a single franchise. What about Deckard ?"
Fourth Serious Gamer: "What! You're kidding! Deckard was never, no way a skinjob! He was 100% human!"
Third Serious Gamer: "Ha! Ha! Ha! You really weren't paying attention when you watched it were you? I don't know why I put up with an ignoramus like you..."
...fisticuffs ensues...
First Serious Gamer: "What about the tin man in The Wizard Of Oz?"
...fisticuffs pauses...
All The Serious Gamers (Except The First):"???"
[Knowing glances between all the serious gamers except the first]
Second Serious Gamer: "Bundle!*"
...everybody piles on top of the first serious gamer...
...ruckus continues for some time...
...Fifth Serious Gamer extricates himself from the bundle and does that wise beard-strokey thing...
[Fifth Serious Gamer***]: "Of course! That's why Ash attached the chainsaw when he lost his hand - he was a cyborg!"
Any character that provokes this sort of reaction is top class in my book ! And I can just see the DMs (or GMs) delighted smile as it murmers - "Hmmmm... I think I need to throw a little bit more water** into this adventure... Mwa! Ha! Ha!"
(I really do need to get a proper stamp of approval sorted out for the characters. After all that's the whole point of this challenge...)
*schoolboy slang from several generations ago - "everybody jump on top of the targetted person"
**that's a reference to this Cybersonja's potential propensity to short-circuit... nothing to do with the serious gamers' disagreement
***Yes indeed, the Fifth Serious Gamer's the one who made the comment about Fafhrd's cat.
There may even be more than two! Searching cross-genre I've come up with a couple of possible leads, which I've added to the Captain Cabbage post*.
Responds by also sagely nodding, raises you a sotto-voce "mmmmm...indeed", and trumps you with the wise beard-strokey thing ! Your turn...
*Am I the only troll goblin person who finds the linear narrative of traditional threads to be a bit dull? Seeing that the DAZ forums are one of the few that don't have a timeout on editing posts, I'm surprised that nobody seems to have spotted the creative possibilites that this offers to an avant-garde artist. Remember movies like "Mulholland Drive", "The Sixth Sense", "Donnie Darko", "Memento", "Twelve Monkeys", [add your own examples here] ?
I therefore encourage you to add extra humourous (okay, stupid) images, footnotes, etc to your earlier posts in this thread. Not just random stuff, but stuff that makes some sort of sense in the context of what's going on in this thread. If you can come up with your own sub-plot and have it develop through editing of your posts - that would be even better! (N.B. Make sure that you keep everything within the ToS for these forums - we don't want want this thread to become a nightmare for the mods/admins!)
That reminds me - Grizhelda's story seems to have got stuck at the point where she and her roomates are annoying their elders with loud music. It's now progressed as suggested in this post, so we're almost there. I'm quite looking forward to the final revelation of her dark secret, because that's the McGuffin for my directorial piece de resistance... (which may well turn out to be a big flop at the box office).So I've moved that particular subplot forwards a step or two. I have a feeling that I may did skip the bulk of her lifestory, you know, the bit between her room-mates disappearing and her being in the party of adventurers (played by serious gamers) who are really, really in Dire Straits (do you like that musical pun?) and cry out "For Jiminy's sake Grizhelda, do something!" ...
I see your point. If Pussywillow had an auto-perambulation capability and had been wearing the more traditional lady-tree-person little green dress and shrug (both made from the finest moss) the serious gamers would've accepted her without question, probably with approving deep rumbling "HOOOOOMMMM!"s and impressions of slow-moving lumbering giant plants. So that was a very wise move on you part.
I really need to be careful when I read this thread at work. Laughing hysterically makes my boss look at me funny....
I'm not sure what I was trying to do here (I'm fairly sure it was something to do with Red Sonja), but somehow I ended up with this...
(I'd advise you not** to try combining the more artsy Aery Soul Alice poses* with sword-wielding barbarian warrior women - especially if your mind works like mine!)
*For anybody who's still not aware most of the old Aery Soulfreebies are still available at http://web.archive.org/web/20101204211440/http://www.aerysoul.com/free.html
**I said NOT - don't do it ! And definitely avoid trying Daranc's "Sous La Douche" (under/in the shower) poses for V4 at ShareCG (no link simply because people don't usually keep their clothes on to have a shower. Except of course Cary Grant in "Charade")
Horrified Helga hacks at hairy horrors?
Grizhelda's dark secret has now been revealed !
The more astute thread-watchers* may have noticed that one of the characters herein appears to have some foreknowledge of her dark secret, and has already taken pre-emptive action - but was it in time ? (if you want a clue - Donald's involved. Ah,I see he's made it quite obvious now. Where'd he go? Ah, he's back again, with the boss...)
*Think of the earlier posts in this thread not as static collections of words and images, but as windows into another world where things are constantly changing...
(I thought I saw Donald and the little fellas in this post. I must be imagining things...*)
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins]: "Good show chaps ! Stage one - interdiction. Anti-troll fence across this post, thusly. Jump to it boys! And don't forget to extend it beyond the edges of the post*** - wide-screen monitors boys, don't forget the gaps if they're using wide-screen monitors!"
*Apparently the director decided to scrap the bit where they were bringing the equipment on the cart - it** said that it didn't really do anything for the plot.
**That 'it' is the director since the director's an it - hang on a mo', I thought I was supposed to be directing this**** ?
***Note: when you view the actual anti-troll fence across the top of this post from outside the monitor it may look as if it only extends across about 95% of the width of the right comment section and doesn't cover the left hand column containing the avatars, let alone extend beyond the edges.This is an illusion caused by the limitations of the forum software. If you observe the shadow of the fence (or stick your head into your monitor) you'll realize that the it does actually extend further.
****[Mysterious cowled Figure]: "Really cheapskate ? Did you now ? How very droll..."
[Sir Smuggley Smuggins]: "Good show! You know the drill - onwards and upwards boys,onwards and upwards!"
Extra safety barrier post, just in case...
Actually let's make it a double barrier to be doubly sure...Not necessary, a single barrier in this post makes a double barrier when considered in conjunction with the barrier in the previous post.
That's it !
That should help to contain the stupidity to the preceding posts.
Now let's get back to the serious business - ridiculous RPG character names and renders of those characters.
So come on chaps (and chapesses) - only three* four** entries so far ? I'm sure that there are plenty of you out there who just need a little nudge to post your entry... go on !
>>> NUDGE !
Here are the three four entries so far to remind you. Think you can do better, eh ? Then post your render of a ridiculous RPG character and we'll let whoever's actually running the show here decide (nice to see that displaying the images in a row on the DAZ forums works seemlessly)...
Oh! And looking back over the thread so far I do believe that we might be anticipating an entry from FirstBastion... ? .
*I've been told by the Panel Of Serious Gamers that mine don't count**
** I've just seen what they did to my original Gotterdammerung Battletank, Dilbo Daggins,and Cybersonja.
- so I'm overruling the Panel Of Serious Gamers and allowing my Grizhelda. Now that the truth about Squeakums is out I'm betting that they won't dare mess with her... uh-oh! Where'd Squeakums go ?
Name: Sir Fartsalot
whose gaseous indiscretion were renowned throughout the Realm.
Should encourage his encompanying troops to rush ahead of him into battle.
Well, that's (Captain) Cabbage's fate explained..
Glorious ! Magnificent !
And do I notice a certain Gilbert and Sullivanesque* meter to your one-line description? To me it almost matches "I am the very model of a modern major general"... so I'm thinking that his adventures could become a Broadway musical. I imagine the chorus line wearing nasal clothespegs, which would give a very distinct sound to the whole production).
And talking of music, your character appears to have split our Panel Of Serious Gamers, which is always a laugh. One faction look absolutely appalled ! But the other...
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction, Member 1]: "Fartsalot!"
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction, Member 2]: "Fartsalot!"
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction, Member 3]: "Fartsalot!"
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction, Member 4]: "It's only a model"
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction, All]: "Weeeeeeee're... Knights of the Round Table, we fart whene'er we're able, we do routines and chorus scenes with footfart**work im-pecc-able, we dine well here in Fartsalot we eat beans and beans and beans a lot."
[half of the Monty Python faction dance around in circles (elbows linked, knees-up fashion) making flatulent noises while, the other half change to a different song]
[Panel Of Serious Gamers, Monty Python Faction (Those Not Dancing)]: "Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, wonderful beans! Loverly beans!"
*(not Gilbert O'Sullivanesque - that wouldn't really work...although "Alone Again" would be rather appropriate. I see a rather touching scene from the musical showing the gentler, sadder side to the knight...)
**Whoops! Missed that golden opportunity when I wrote the post, so edited the correction in.
*[Penitenziagite Thwackmallet the paladin]: "What are you doing standing next to me Pussywillow? I'm important enough to have a row of my own. You can have the next row. Off you go, be a good tree."
.
*This is very unlikely to make sense to anybody unless (1) you click this link which basically just redisplays this post - https://www.daz3d.com/forums/discussion/comment/2933806/#Comment_2933806 and (2) you see the same dynamic forum bug that I do. If both (1) and (2) occur then you might find it as amusing as I did.
Then again, you might not.
(what do you mean "you're just nudging your thread to stop it falling off the first page?" Don't be so ridiculous!)
Nocan wants to be rendered. I also orderd parts that will magically come together to become a new computer some day in the not too distant future.
One of these events wil precede the other.
Name: Cocklaurel
Self-professed King of Kings of Thieves.
Among the trophies he carries (or wears) are the Codpiece Of Dionysus (+5 on all ego-related rolls), the Bicorne Cocked***** Dual-Cocked Unicorne Beaver* Of Dandyquiff (gives the user the ability to hypnotise people by a slight, repetitive nodding of the head), the Swagbag of Loki (purported to be made from the nether parts of an extremely surprised and angry dragon), the Boots Of Nancy Sinatra (one of these days...), the Rapier Of Something Witty, the Haunted Trousers Of Harry Greaves (Trust Me...) etc...
But since Cocklaurel is only a level 1 thief it's highly unlikely that any of these are genuine***. And I think the swagbag's just two big rubber balloons.
*No, that isn't rude - it's a type of hat: Bicorne is like tricorne but with two cocks** instead of three (Napolean wore one (a bicorne, not a cock), so did Wellington. In fact the Napoleonic Wars were actually all about who was wearing their bicorne the right way round); Cocked** is already explained later; Beaver hats are hats that are made from beaver pelts. Duh! What's less obvious is that the designation wasn't limited to the American frontiersmen's plop-a-dead-furry-animal-legs-and-tail-and-all-on-your-head type hats, but also included many fashionable and military styles in Europe. And yes, Bicorne Cocked Beaver is actually tautology - Bicorne Beaver or Cocked Beaver**** would have sufficed. I'm not talking rubbish (well, not complete rubbish), it's all sort-of true-ish - check out this non-regulation cocked beaver hat ( http://collections.rmg.co.uk/collections/objects/71296.html ) and this Naval officer's black beaver cocked hat ( https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/C107115 ). The Australian slouch hat with it's turned up brim on one side could be a Unicorne (correction: it's not, it's actually a Corne-less Uni-cock*****), but I'm not aware of any Quadricornes or higher order cornes*****.
**A cock is a turning up of the brim of a hat, as in a cocked hat. And I always thought a cocked hat was simply one worn at a jaunty angle? So would a hat with a turned up brim worn at a jaunty angle be a double-cocked hat?
***Except the +5 on all ego-related rolls.
****To be precise a Bicorne Beaver equates to a Dual-Cocked Beaver
*****I've just realized that a Corne is actually the pointy bit where two Cocks meet. Historical Bicornes have two Cocks and two Cornes, historical Tricornes have three Cocks and Three Cornes, but a Unicorne has a single Corne and two Cocks. So Cocklaurel's hat is actually a Dual-Cocked Unicorne, and an Australian slouch hat is a Corne-less Uni-Cock. For some reason I started thinking of cockless unicornes (which clearly don't exist, as a unicorne ipso facto requires two cocks!)
Thieves/rogues have a tendency to possess more flair (and bigger egos) than they know what to do with (and/or than is healthy for them), don't they ;) This sure is one cocky guy.
The long-awaited
Nocan Dizlectiqus the Bearabrain!
We catch him while he's trying to read a complicated incantation from his (upside down) spellbook, which - of course - fails spectacularly. Fortunately, he always keeps his club within reach for such situations to deal with the threat at hand with a rather conventional smack over the head instead. Good thing he always dresses for both his mage and barbarian classes..
Oooo... his name's written in 'normal' instead of...
'heading1'
The Panel of Serious Gamers are tut-tuting and mumbling about people who scribble down their character details on just any old sheet of paper instead of the approved 'D&D™©☠ Character Sheet'.
I think I've bought you some time to correct that - I mentioned to them that the mistake is actually part of roleplaying the character, who's a bearabrain...
...that confused them !
:oS
(I'm having trouble thinking of anything amusing to say today, and I've just realized why - that darn Cocklaurel stole my rapier !)