The first 13 (and unfinished) minutes of my movie, Android's Burden.
Sentinel-3
Posts: 52
What glares at you? What must change?
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Comments
great job - like the way you are doing it - nothing jump out
Only because you asked, I'd say there is too much exposition in the opening sequence. Fundamental rule in movies, "Show, don't tell" The first 3 minutes, having the android explain her thoughts could have been reduced to 30 seconds and the gist of her pain and anguish could have still come through. When the villain walks in at 3:07 is when the story starts to get interesting. One of the tough choices regarding animations, all that render time that was spent developing the footage can get wasted during editing and it's a shame to waste it on the cutting room floor. That puts you the director in an awkward situation. You don't want to lose the hard work you've done. But an editor has to remain objective, because his/her obligation is to the audience, and maintaining their attention is paramount. It's a complex and interesting story, just be careful not to get bogged down on the exposition. Let the characters act and react to the conflicts intrinsic to the story.
I concur with Firstbaston the very definition of animation says it all.
an·i·ma·tion
1. the state of being full of life or vigor; liveliness.
"they started talking with animation"
•archaic
the state of being alive.
2. the technique of photographing successive drawings or positions of puppets or models to create an illusion of movement when the movie is shown as a sequence.
"animation techniques"
The Focus of movies is the action, more so (to my way of thinking) in animation. If the opening scene IS paramount in your view it could be improved by simply animating the camera during the Dialog. A slow pan around the figure, more cut scenes to the text being recorded, cut back to the camera still moving and in a different place. Angles of the Camera as it pans, angle of the camera for the cut away. Keep the viewers interest at all times. I would cut much of that and then edit it in to other scenes as the MAIN story progresses as flashbacks.
That said I'm watching this and liking it as it is. The Time you have put in shows and is noted.
Thanks for the replies. The exposition at the opening has a history. In the first version of the script, I merely referred to her request, but felt that the oft-mentioned "request" had no meat to it. It wasn't tangible. It wasn't an event. In the beginning, the computer simply told her that the annual request was submitted, and she said "Thank you. I am very dangerous. I must be destroyed."
Then I thought. Wait, she has been submitting this every year for over 100 years. We should see some of it, and early on, because the request isn't a large part of the story, but it starts every ball rolling that will literally change the world. So I wrote an actual request from beginning to end. Had the actor read it, and then boiled it down to the more emotional points. More can, and might be cut though.
When Valerie is looking at her request, if you switch to 720p, you see the actual request I wrote in her hands. It's been pared down, but I have no problem paring it down more. It's a 120-page script and should be 120 minutes. So far the page-per-minute deal is working out.
On animating the camera, I have made a conscious effort to limit camera animation. I've found that one of the marks of an amateur CG film is constant, and I mean CONSTANT zooming and panning and creeping cameras. So I looked at movies, CG and live action, and saw that cameras aren't animated much. Though I have noticed a lot of times that when a live action movie used a CG model of a castle or a city, there is an obligatory God's eye view pan of the city. I sort of dis that, panning down the globaltek logistic facility, but that was only to show its scale and to show that she was just one person from a big city planted in an even bigger city.
That said, in the opening, the camera is almost CONSTANTLY in motion. I'm glad it was so minimal that you thought it was too still. Look at it again. It might surprise you that I hypocritically had the camera in motion almost constantly in scene 1.
There will be action, chases, and very complex fights. People will suddenly die. Androids will be destroyed. When that happens, you will see rack focus and dollying and hopefully very creative camera movement -- and even shaky cam.
Again, thanks for the input. It was just what I'm looking for. Than ks also for not zeroing in on obvious rough edges that I would automatically remove
Good stuff. The animation is nicely done, and the voice acting is good (not always the case, like when I con my wife and friends into it.)
A few ideas:
- When she says she's attached her "eye-level video", I was expecting to see at least a short snippet.
- The last 3-4 minutes are basically two talking heads, some "B reel footage" might help break the ping-ponging. Maybe just a pet cat killing a mouse. Or better, someting that forshadows a later event (or does the murderous cat do that?).
- Like some of the other comments, I would try to cut down the dialogue, but this is just a pet peeve of mine. It comes from participation in the 48 Hour Film contests, where voice acting and especially lip syncing take too much time.
The animation and story is pretty good. , can;t wait to see the rest when your done
Looking great so far, great job