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cks in reality - don't step on them, or the goblins will get you !
[titter]
Gorgeous (aka Sexual Equality)
Not quite what they (edit: i.e.the guys - just to be 100% clear!) expected when they were told that henceforth men and women would have the same Space Ranger uniform...
OMG!! Where is the passed out from laughing emoji??!!
Sweeeeeeet, muhahahahahhhhaaaah!!! Those expressions
OMFG!!!
I had some coffee in my mug, I'm pretty sure about that, wonder where it went
The old saying that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" can be rather fun when you apply it to female and male characters in renders. I recently did an entry for the freebie challenge, based on the male/female armour divide, and later posted a more equal picture. Here are those two pictures.
Female Fantasy Armour !
(The Male Fantasy Variety)
* * * *
Along the same lines (but unsuitable-for-DAZ due to nudity) I did a follow-on to a render in my ShareCG gallery. The original, entitled "Late", imagined what fate would have befallen Andromeda if Perseus had had a smartphone. The follow-on, entitled "Tentacles", replaced Vicky-Andromeda with a very surprised Freak and a painful twist.
* * *
And I've just been playing with stoopid ideas for the "It's Raining Men" challenge... "Yer Gotta Protect The Family Jewels, Don'tcha ! An' I Don't Like 'Avin' Me Nipples Tweaked."
...and the mention of coffee reminded me of another picture that's not in my stoopid box, from theRDNA "Mother Goddess"challenge a coupleof years ago. I think it provoked a similar coffee reaction
Cthulhuterus ! (Not Your Traditional Mother Goddess...)
..and she scares the willies out of the lads !
Yes, another stupid idea! I just happened upon Minyasa's "'Evil Uterus" over at ShareCG this evening ( http://www.sharecg.com/v/80666/browse/11/Poser/Evil-Uterus ) and, well, I have a warped mind... :D
Only eleven more left in my stoopid box,so time to draw another Tarot card...
King Of Tentacles
OMG Pete your killing me with Laughter here (Yes I did spit out most of my coffee looking at your crazy renders!!!)
I especially love the Goddess render and can relate to it
Edited to correct spelling
Just posted a second stupid entry over on the "It's Raining Men" thread - Imposter In The Harem. The first (also stupid) entry was here.
Demonstration Of Human Visual Cortex Safety Mechanism (SEP Reaction)
"This is whiskey tango foxtrot - is anybody seeing what I'm seeing ? This is unbelievable ! I have eyeballs on the strangest goddamn thing I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen a few ! It's at my ten o'clock, difficult to judge size or distance - looks like a flatted sphere of polished silver. It's keeping pace with me and copying my every manoeuvre. Do you have anything on radar ?"
There are some things that the human brain is utterly incapable of coping with. Such stimuli initiate what is commonly referred to as the SEP* reaction - the brain simply refuses to acknowledge the stimuli, and ignores them.
Thus, for example, the frisbee games that sugar plum fairies like playing often lead to reports of flying disk shaped objects.
The human brain can handle flying saucers.
The human brain cannot handle sugar plum fairies.
*Somebody Else's Problem - refer to The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy for further information.
More great renders there Pete!!
Thanks. Another stupid picture just posted on the "It's Raining Men" thread - Nasty Puddles.
I'm too busy laughing to say anything coherent but I do love the way your mind works!
... I think it starts at a completely different starting point from the expected one and then diverges at an exponentially increasing tangent* ...
Only nine more items in my stupid box, although that doesn't mean that I don't have more stupid pictures- it just means I need to look for them.
The Morning After The All Hallows Eve Before...
Sometimes the spirit of Halloween gets inside a child and takes over...
*and you thought that tangents were fixed didn't you ? Not in the world where I live !
Ha ! Just found another - originally only posted at CGBytes...
Summer Sizzlin' Beach Bar-B-Q !
As any barbecue chef knows, it's very important to turn the sausages so that they cook evenly...
But when you're an elder thing it's nigh on impossible to prevent the sausages from running away screaming their lungs out as their brains turn to jelly when you do this. Fortunately elder things don't mind undercooked sausages. Or jellied brains. And then of course there's the added bonus - the exertion of the subsequent chase gives their aeons old tentacles a much-needed stretch and stimulates the appetite...
(Elder Thing Barbecue Tip: when cooking sausages make sure the tender bits are wrapped in bacofoil. So who thought shiny silver bikinis were just "fashion"?)
Whoopee ! And another, also from CGBytes. Text slightly modified from the original.
The Legendary Sword Of Finfandir The Mighty, Dragonslayer*
Subtitle: "Is that ALL it does ? Glows in the proximity of a dragon ? Oh mother, I'm totally screwed !"
In truth it was Finfandir's unsurpassed martial prowess, quick wits, cunning, lightning fast reflexes, knowledge of dragon lore, nerves of steel, etc that made him** the man he** was. It was Finfandir himself** who was truly legendary. When dragons saw the glow of his** sword it terrified them to the core of their being... because they knew Finfandir had come for them.
These days dragons know Finfandir's no longer around...
*In actual fact that should read 'The Sword Of The Legendary Finfandir The Mighty, Dragonslayer', but you know how stories change slightly with each retelling. Storylisteners really should pay more attention.
**Actually that should read 'made her the woman she was',etc, but you know how stories of bravery, derring-do,etc are usually told by men..
Jack And Rose
Dollies' Tea Party
Darlene got very drunk last night. Her little sister Morticia, who's a rather strange kid, decided to prepare a special surprise for when she woke up...
Discover more about Little Morticia in these pictures: Gardening | Dollie's Tea Party | Soul Candles | Spaghetti Eyes | {Ideas about Santa Cthlaus}
8 Of Warbirds
Klingons don't do wands
Looks like I missed a day, so the punishment will be prolonged by a day. And today's will be extra-harsh ! A really stupid bedtime story.
So, is everybody snuggled up and ready for bed ? Then I'll begin...
(Once again an entry for the final RDNA monthly challenge "Fairytales Gone Horribly Wrong". Once again the picture was an afterthought. So I've put it right down the bottom.)
Wrong Galaxy !
As Grampy Colombo sat down and opened the book, little Fred laughed, "No, Grampy! We finished 'Crapunzel: The Princess And The Pee' at the weekend. It's the rest of 'Little Snow White Riding Hood Goes To Grannys On A Wednesday' today"
"Ah yes," chuckled Grampy, "of course." And as he rummaged through the book-filled pockets of his overcoat little Fred summarised the story so far - "Since it was Wednesday Little Snow White Riding hood was visiting her uncle as usual. But because her mum had run out of honey she'd decided to also pay a surprise visit to Granny a day early. She was skipping along the path and came across Worzel Gummidge, Robocop and Aslan and they were attacked by flying monkeys, and then they got to a bridge and a troll came out and ate everybody except Little Snow White Riding Hood, and then she met the wolf, and then... errrr... I think that's where we got up to!"
"Ah yes," said Grampy, "here we are..."
"Phew! That was a close call!" she gasped, "I thought that huge wolf with the slobbering jaws and glowing red eyes was going to gobble me all up! But luckily all he did was ask me where I was going, same as he does every day.", and she skipped along her way.
"Oh dear!" she suddenly thought,"I forget to tell him that I was going to Granny's too. Never mind, that's probably not important at all."
A little while later as she skipped along the path she heard a strange yodelling coming from behind a little cottage. As she skipped around the cottage... yes, she likes skipping - I think it's something to do with her red Skippy-the-bush-kangaroo-skin shoes, they're probably magic. You remember the troll exploding when she clicked her heels together? Anyway, she spied an ugly wizened little dwarven fellow a-capering and a-jigging around a fire, and a-singing a little ditty.
"Merrily make a feast I will, mmmm!
Brew today, bake tomorrow I will, mmmm!
Merrily dance and sing I will, mmmma!
Next day bring a padawan will, mmmm!
Dream little my princess does..."
"Uncle Yodel," she called, "I've brought cookies for you...
"Cookies! Mmmmm..MMMMM!" replied the dwarf cheerily.
"But I'm off to see Granny and I must rush...catch!" and she lobbed a little package his way.
He froze mid-jig, let out a little gasp of shock and cried "No! No! Mmmmm! Granny today? Visit you must not! Granny tomorrow is!"
But she had already gone.
Uncle Yodel sat down on a log and did that wise beard-strokey thing, which doesn't look so wise if you have no beard.
"Soooo... today it is, mmmm...
In that one - strooooong the essence is, mmmm!
But the dark side yet to face she has, mmmmm?"
And he cast his gaze around and about until it lighted on a little bundle wrapped in paper and tied with string...
"Never mind, cookies I have! Mmmmm...MMMMM!"
And then he paused, "Oh darn it, I suppose we'd better go and help her. Kyuzostiltskin! Kikuchiyostiltskin! Katsushirostiltskin! Gorobeistiltskin! Heihachistiltskin! Shichirojistiltskin!"
A short while later Lucy... What? Didn't I mention that before? Yes, that was her real name - and it's quicker to say than Little Snow White Riding Hood. And it's important to the plot twist near the end. Anyway, as she approached the door of her Granny's cottage she heard a low growling, snarling,slobbering noise. Suddenly worried she slowly, carefully pushed the door ever so slightly open... and what do you think she saw? There was a big, huge, black wolf crouched on the kitchen floor gnawing on a bloody carcass
"NOOOOO!" cried Lucy
"Oh shishkebab!" cried the wolf, "You're not supposed to be here today, it's Wednesday!"
"You!" She cried in surprise, "the wolf from the forest path!"
And then the penny dropped "YOU'RE the Big Bad Wolf!"
The wolf did the best facepalm he could since paws are a problem in this regard, "You're really not the sharpest tool in the box are you, my dear?"
Stung by this remark, in one deft move Lucy drew the lightsabre from her basket and ignited it. The wolf drew his own lightsabre, flicked the 'on' switch, and nonchalantly knocked the burning basket aside .
A ferocious duel ensued, ranging in and out of the cottage, up and down the path, round and about the mulberry bush and the assymettric bars. The commotion was such that it disturbed granny's bees who buzzed around in the background providing additional sound effects.
Although Lucy had learnt much from bald Uncle Ken, and even more from Uncle Yodel and his six compatriots, it was clear that the wolf was too good for her. The wolf knew this, and taunted Lucy
"The Old Bald One never told you what happened to your grandfather."
"He told me enough!" cried Lucy, "He told me you killed him!"
"No!" cried the wolf mockingly, "Luce, I am your grandfather!"
"No, that's not true! That's impossible."
"Search your feelings - you KNOW it to be true."
"NOOOO!" cried Lucy, and as she launched a furious assault on the wolf he sidestepped, and with a shrug and a murmered "how could my grandaughter could be so stupid", chopped off her hand, lightsabre and all.
As she screamed in agony she heard a familiar voice from behind her, from the direction of Granny's house...
"Grampy! Here boy! Who's a good werewolf! I've got a nice hot cup of tea and some biscuits for... Oh dear, what are YOU doing here Luce? You're not supposed to be here today, it's Wednesday!"
A horrible darkness welled up inside her and she dropped to all fours... and howled in pain...
"Darn it," mumbled Uncle Yodel as he and the other dwarves came a-galloping** into view "we're too late! The dog side has her!"
(there's absolutley no chance of my third entry "Pinnochia In Toyland" getting done in time. Which is a shame, 'cause it's a doozy! Snow White distracts the huntsman by pointing at Bambi, hamstrings him with her tanto, and runs off laughing to join her gang of oriental dwarves who run a speakeasy/sushi bar in the magic wood. Meanwhile Johnny Pinnochio meets up with a really bad girl puppet called Jenny Pinnochia (she's part puppet, part human, part terminator) who's the leader of a gang of evil puppets and dolls (think Barbarella) . They burn down Geppeto's house and get into a turf war with Pan and his gang of Lost Boys/Girls/Donkeys*, and then Pan and Pinnochia join forces to take control of a new Toyland attraction. Which is a baaaad mistake, since the owner of this new place is none other than the kunoichii Snow White...)
*You're probably not aware that Candlewick/Lampwick/Pickwick and the lads who supposedly led Pinnochio astray and ended up part/mostly-donkey in the kids version of the story were actually from Pan's gang, and in really never met Pinnochio until Pinnochia's gang used him as a battering ram to break down the doors of Pan's hideout - and yes, his first words to them as his head smashed through the door were, of course, "Heeeeere's Johnny!".
Never trust a storyteller...
The airborne Katsushirostiltskin in the picture was from a House Of Flying Daggers scene that unfortunately never made the final edit of the story. It was good !
Bargain Bin
I think that I should've gone with the name Aleister Sinatra or Frank Crowley...
As a retrospective bonus I've added a PNG to help you make your own clearance price stickers! Plus a JPG with notes on how I did it. (Actually it's really to remind myself how I did it)
I am SO disappointed ! Not a space monster or cowboy with giant springs in his boots in sight !
(see the OP if you don't understand)
But on the bright side I've been killing myself laughing after reading some of the stuff I came up with when I was 5¾, including such gems as:
"Monkeys Live in the Jungle and in the zoo. and the Monkeys aners are the snakes and a snake can eat a Monkey a snake is very dangerous and in the winter snakes go away. and the crocodiles and the alligators."
I think 'aners' was my phonetic transcription of 'enemies', but I skipped over the 'me' bit in the middle of the word.
Soul Candles
Halloween isn't just about trick or treating, it's also about remembering the departed - visiting their graves, laying flowers, lighting candles in remembrance, saying quiet prayers... and leaving offerings to placate the unquieter spirits.
Little Morticia doesn't like flowers or prayers.
But she does like candles, and this year she's using a special* candle to see if she can wake up an unquiet spirit.
She's brought her baby brother Damien** along, just in case the unquiet spirit is hungry. As a sort of offering.
*Just in case you can't work it out - it's a stick of dynamite...
**His name's not really Damien - she just likes calling him that.
And she also likes painting his face with freaky clown makeup.
And hiding him in unusual places***.
***See the second attached image entitled "Under The Table" for an example
Discover more about Little Morticia in these pictures: Gardening | Dollie's Tea Party | Soul Candles | Spaghetti Eyes | {Ideas about Santa Cthlaus}
The Hanged Mangababe
Lost
You have a warped sence of ha ha Pete!!! I love it!!!
Made me lol! Thank You!
Gardening
Little Morticia particularly enjoys the pest control part of it...
Discover more about Little Morticia in these pictures: Gardening | Dollie's Tea Party | Soul Candles | Spaghetti Eyes | {Ideas about Santa Cthlaus}
As it's now December I'll start with a Christmas type story. No picture for this one.
The Naughty Elf Present
Everybody knows that there's something very, very special about Santa that lets him deliver presents to all the good children all over the world in just one night. And there's something very, very special about Santa that allows such a large fellow to get down all those chimneys.
Especially the chimneys of houses that don't have chimneys! I asked Santa about these things, and do you know what his answer was? "Ho! Ho! Ho! One night or a million nights, it's the same thing!" and "Ho! Ho! Ho! ALL houses have chimneys!"
Now everybody also knows that elves are by their very nature mischievous creatures. And if you were a mischievous elf who had to spend all year wrapping presents you'd probably play the same sort of tricks that they do. One of their favourite little pranks is to wrap up all manner of horrible things as presents! But can you guess how many children have opened up a present from Santa only to find toenail clippings, nose pickings, or even more horrible things? Well, none actually. Because Santa always catches them. Always!
The punishment for naughty elves is usually just lines. Lots of them. This is because lines are a very boring punishment, and being bored is just about the biggest punishment imaginable for an elf. Just imagine having to write "I am a silly little elf who thinks it is funny to gift-wrap reindeer poop" a million times. But Santa sometimes likes to play his own little jokes on the pranksters. Occasionally he'll say, "Ho! Ho! Ho! No lines for you today! I've just thought of something amusing for you to gift wrap instead!" Have you ever seen somebody trying to gift-wrap an elephant? Or a dozen slippery, slimy eels? Or a bowl of warm custard - without the bowl of course?
But there is one special punishment that Santa reserves only for the very naughtiest of the very naughty elves. There is a big wooden door, behind which Santa keeps 'The Naughty Elf Present'. When an elf has been too naughty for lines or normal gift-wrapping punishment Santa takes a big iron key from under his beard and unlocks this door. All the other elves peer and stretch and crane their necks to try and see what's inside the room, but all they ever see is a pile of gift wrap, a pair of plastic scissors, and a roll of sticky tape. Then Santa locks the naughty elf in the room, tucks the key back in his beard, and walks off chuckling. And all the other elves rush to door to listen. But all they ever hear is the sound of gift-wrap being cut with plastic scissors, sticky tape being zipped off the roll... and some very strange wibbly-wobbly noises!
When Santa returns and unlocks the door, usually around tea-time on the following day all the elves are still listening at the door. Santa shoos them away, takes the big iron key from under his beard, and unlocks the door again. "Ho! Ho! Ho! You couldn't do it!" he always exclaims, "Here, let me show you how!". And you wouldn't believe how fast Santa moves! It seems like a hundred arms going left and right and up and down and back and forth and future and past and all the other directions that there aren't words for! And after no more time than it takes you or me to to put a Christmas card in an envelope and stick the flap down, Santa steps out of the room leading the naughty elf by the hand. The elf is all wibbly-wobbly, knees atremble, eyes going round and round in all kinds of strange directions. And in his other hand Santa holds the most wondrously gift-wrapped parcel you could ever imagine - but if you try to look at it too closely your eyes start wobbling and you start feeling dizzy.
Now the naughty elves never, ever will tell what 'The Naughty Elf Present' actually is. And Santa never did tell me either, although I did venture a guess or two. Something multi-dimensional? A tesseract perhaps? Or maybe something like the optical illusion that looks like a two-pronged tuning fork at one end and a set of three cricket stumps at the other?
Santa just laughed again, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Multi-dimensional! Tessaract! Optical illusion! Saying words means you don't understand!" And then with a big harumph he leant forward, put on a serious expression and did a bit of deep-in-thought, beard-stroking. After a few minutes of contemplation he gasped and looked at me with a shocked expression - and gave his big, jolly laugh again! "Ho! Ho! Ho! That's what your scientists, physicists and mathematicians look like when they're making up words! They even made up a word for making up words! They call it 'theorizing'! They theorize wormholes, superstrings, and branes. But they really just don't have a clue!"
And then Santa sighed once again, the way that parents do when they realise that their children are just too young to understand. "How foolish! All these things are just my chimneys!"
And as everybody knows, Santa groks* chimneys!
*If, like my sisters, you're not a sci-fi or computer afficionado and don't know what 'grok' means then see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grok
And since I didn't have a picture for that story I'll upload a picture that has nothing to do with it.
Snow Machines
Mr Hoppity
Hoppity, hoppity, hop... GRRRRR !!