The [Disco Chives] Misplaced Parrot Complaint Thread
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my cousin was stopped and questioned by the police waiting for the bus to work back in the 80's (he doesn't drive) because he was a dead ringer for Colin Creed
they kept him for hours
and yes it was a resemblence we all had noticed but he worked in a warehouse and was and is a very gentle quiet spoken man the total opposite of a psychopathic killer cop
Well, apparently after being paroled from Genesis, he went on to record several solo albums and even starred in an episode of Miami Vice... no... wait... that was Phil Collins... The guy you mentioned was actually let out of jail (or "prison" as they say in Australia)...(such a colorful language) after serving 12 years of a 21 year sentence... (I'm guessing whoever let him out read the sentence term backwards)... and as of 2013 was running a Cricket statistics website with his former cellmate, who coincidentally was convicted of fraud before they became incarcerated together... apparently at that point he was earning $5000 (presumably Australian dollars) per week though the website, which in 2013 Australian dollars was worth 14% less than it was in 2012, but still more than the Fijian Dollar or the Macanese Pataca, but regardless of its exchange rate, still wasn't a bad income considering most people who engage in similar activities don't usually have that kind of post involuntary confinement income.
unless they manage to get themselves unalived in prison most in Australia eventually get out unfortunately
"Unalived"... I like that... I'm requesting permission to use that and other variants of it... "Unalive", "Unaliving", "Unalivified" and "Unalivification".
it's used a lot by YouTubers because saying Kill etc gets videos demonitised
I never noticed that... Considering the extent of humanity's history of monetizing unaliving, that's kind of confusing... but probably for the better.
Well, now you done it! You let the cat out of the bag, and the ubermech AI is going to eventually see that, and catch on, and "unalived" will be verbotten tambien.
Complaint: I have a complaint that I want to complain about, but it happened a few days ago and complaining about it now seems moot and tiring... and also it's not so much a complaint, but a thing that happened that wasn't that great and kinda sucked, but maybe when it's more resolved, I'll find a way of making light of it.
Sigh.
Actually, a couple of days ago I had a great complaint about cantaloupes after reading yet another article about thousands of these bowel shattering death melons being on the loose, and it quickly went from two or three sentences to a full article... it was kinda funny (to me... then again, I'm deranged and fairly delusional, so that's a very subjective appraisal), but before I could send it, the server hamster fell off his wheel and the post was lost... and since it was part of a reply to someone else's post, it was lost forever, since the forum doesn't save reply drafts like it used to... a long time ago, but it used to... I tried to rewrite it, but the magic was gone, the mojo lost and the spark, sputtered... also I forgot most of it.
Oh well.
Ugh... I feel so useless today... the past three days I've driven over 600 miles more or less and today I've got like zero brain stuff, braining in my skull... I feel like my brain was replaced with Campbell's Chunky Cheddar Potato Chowder...
I think I was going to initially complain about the rental car I've been driving for the past couple of days, but the reason I'm driving a rental car is part of the complaint/lamentation that I don't feel like complaining/lamenting about...
I will say though, that I think I hate most new cars... it's like every car is now more of an appliance or a device than a car... plus I think instead of studying how people use instruments and controls they studied gibbons or learning impaired lemurs or something, because nobody understands how controls, buttons or GUIs should be made... friggin cryptic icons and pictograms too... and reimagining stuff... Why the hell is the friggin parking brake a button now?... Why? Was a peddle or lever too esthetically unpleasant?... I went to set the parking brake and there wasn't one... there are like nine buttons with "P" icons of various unknown functions (one of which turned out to be a reimagined hazard light/flasher button)... I feel like this is some kind of long game plan to make everyone who still tolerates driving, to hate it so they accept self driving cars that are nothing more than disposable devices/appliances you keep upgrading every year like smartphones you don't actually own... I'd believe that if it wasn't that most auto manufacturers just suck at instrument and screen GUI design... aggressively suck at it... it's like function wasn't even invited to the party and form was given complete priority.
The best part about the parking brake button is pressing it doesn't seem to register... it makes no sound and you don't feel anything... and there is a tiny notice on one of the three dash screens. "Parking Brake Engaged"... <- literally a tiny bit bigger than that... me and my daughter both figured out that the button was probably the brake at the same time and just starred at it and each other and it and each other a few times before we both shook our heads, shrugged and got out... in that part of Connecticut, with its abundance of 100ft cliffs you do want a bit more confidence in the setting of the parking brake... but you know what... Not'ma car.
The best part about the stupid car is the brand is one popular with people 55+... generally folks who can't operate their smartphones and you are making their cars tech puzzles... great thinking.
And yeah, there's a thing called an owner's manual, but 1-not in a rental and 2-nobody should need to use a manual for everything, that's just bad design.
And then there is the mix of controls... no consistency... like some manufacturers are like "we are going with touch buttons" or "soft toggle" or "push buttons"... this cars got every type of control with no rhyme or reason... touch controls, soft toggles, knobs, soft toggle lever buttons that are actually pressure activated (not up-down), slide lever, push button, touchscreen, lift buttons (you cantilever it up with your fingertip or retractable claws)... probably more I can't recall... (oh, yeah... buttons that aren't buttons just lights with an icon that look like buttons, but don't control anything, but it invites you to press and poke and bother with it for twenty minutes trying to figure out what it does)
Ugh.
Okay, that's it... I'm getting boring... well, more so than usual.
Laterz folkziz.
Advice for car designers: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Advice for car companies: Just because you should, doesn't mean your designer can.
Advice for elderly car drivers: Get a 20 year old car, and a mechanic.
Advice for young car drivers: Put down the phone.
Refuse to pay more for your car than half your yearly salary.
Advice to everybody: If your car argues with you, shoot it.
Well, it's not too late to try. Plus I find there is also kind of a pleasure having some of the ingredients at the bottom of the cup before the liquid part of the drink. And shaken but not stirred. But not shaken in a James Bond kind of way. Shaken more like Lakers Girls. Because then you have layers that are only slightly blended, and you can get a whole different flavor depending on where your straw is. There's the coffee... there's the cream... there's the caramel... Now shake it like your life depends on it.
Or... If you live in a bustling city like me, you don't even need a car. I don't have one. Most places I can walk, bus or take an Uber or Lyft and I KNOW I spend A LOT less on transportaion than my fellow car owners who are investing in a monthly payment of $200 upwards plus insurance, plates, maintainance, parking, and GASOLINE!
sometimes Cloudflare is a hint that maybe I shouldn't bother posting a lengthy reply in a thread about a product I haven't bought yet
...push button controls are not a totally new concept as such systems existed in the late 50s - early 60s, but were pretty straightforward in comparison to today.
1957 Mercury "Merc-O-Matic" control keyboard controls. Notice the "Brake Release" button.
When I was in High School I almost bought a 1963 Dodge Dart that had a pushbutton transmission (the parking brake was still the conventional pedal).
I remember playing with the 8 track player in my dad's 67 Nova in the mid-late 70's
I have a car where it still needs a key for the door, a different one for the ignition and a third one for the fuel cap. It has zero chips or transistors in it, zero water cooling and rubber bands forming the stretchy bits in the seat. The central locking is the driver reaching over to lock each door. My complaint with it is that it rusts so fast I don't want to use it despite the fact I love using it.
It's a 2CV
My other car has a rear view camera and such appaling rear visibility, it needs one. Also it slides on frost on the road when the 2CV didn't/doesn't. And it's wider externally and has less internal room. I think it's a reverse Tardis - the inside volume is so much smaller than the outside that it doesn't compute.
Regards,
Richard
I never had a locking gas cap. But I have had cars with a "Valet" key. But never took advantage of valet parking so I don't know exactly what it did or didn't unlock.
It worked for starting the car and that satisfied me most of the time.
Modern cars: Bah humbug. Lots of glitter, glass, and gadgets. Tiny underpowered M&Ms littering the roads. Back in my day (here we go...) an automobile was made of steel, iron & chrome and 50% bigger than today's, and seated six adults. The engines had 8 cylinders (My dad had a Lincoln Zephyr with 12 cylinders!
) People had to know how to drive back then, in order to keep the tank they were driving within the road lanes. No power steering, you had a big steering wheel to give you enough leverage to move the wheels without powered assistance. No cars drove themselves back then. (except when you were dead drunk going home from the bar, in which case the car knew the way itself) No power brakes, you had to press hard on the brake pedal in an emergency. And some of the cars even had electric headlights instead of candles.
And manual ("stick") transmissions were still popular. There were only three gadgets, the radio, the clock and the cigarette lighter. The radio only played local stations, in staticy AM (not FM). Also, the radio was tube technology and never seemed to last the life of the car. Neither did the clock nor cigarette lighter.
Navigation was handled by a "Map Pocket" in the driver's door. We knew how to read maps back then. And in those days, cars had a "back ledge" above the back seat, under the rear window where a small child could crawl into to ride/sleep, waiting for that sudden stop where I would roll down onto the rear seat (great fun).
This wonderful feature is missing in todays miniscule conveyences.
There's me complaining about the massive 67bhp of my current blue M&M car. Keep the weight down, and 29bhp is perfectly adequate to get up to approaching 70mph on a hill with the wind. And if the max speed limit in the country is 70mph, why are any cars allowed to go faster?
I once had our 2CV up to approaching 90mph in Belgium. 1994 it was, heavily laden going down a hill on one of their [then] speed limit free Autoroutes. I thought the speedo needle had dropped off because I couldn't see it - was behind the facia. We ended up doing the 650 miles to Austria in 13 hours including 1 hour ferry crossing.
Regards,
Richard
My mom had a little Nash Rambler—buttons for shifting gears.
They even made a song about them.
Complaint;
Sunrise today 9:27. Sunset today 15:23. Length of day 5 h 56 min
And it's still getting shorter...
memories of cars with starter pedals on the floor, or high beam switches that were a small button on the floor, or windshield washers that were operated by a manual pump rubber bulb on the floor, or our old Dodge Power Wagon 4wd truck that had 4 sticks (one for the 4 speed, one for the transfer case to engage or disengage the front axle for 4wd, one for the transfer case high-low range selection, and one for the PTO operated winch)
The need for powerful automobile engines: It is desirable to have enough horsepower to be able to accidentially put too much pressure on the gas pedal and fly through the window of the shop you just tried to park in front of.
Pushbutton drive: My dad had a 1960 Chrysler Winsor with pushbutton drive.
I don't know how you do it. I've got 8 hrs 16 minutes and I'm struggling bigtime with that. I've had my SAD lamp in use for 6 weeks already. I was really skeptical about them until I got one when I had a job that allowed me zero exposure to daylight in winter. I went to work when it was dark, finished when it was dark, and was indoors with no windows all day. Chores on my days off were planned so I could follow the sunbeams around the house lol. On the bright side, we'll start gaining daylight in a couple of weeks.
Yeah... It gets down to just 5 hours here, but on the bright side, in 6 months that 5 hours is the time between sun going down and coming up again
Well, isn't the bright side where the sun usually shines all the time, anyway?
...loved that song when I was a kid.
For one Christmas long ago, my mum bought me the 45 record of the song along with two "friction" powered cars one a Cadillac and the other a Nash Rambler.
gawd I would be shifting gears trying to eject the 8 track cartridge
I get these stupid questions every now and then... I'm not getting into who or why, but there are tons of them that people insist on sending...
Hypothetical Question...
Choose One:
Would you rather...
(A) Fight an orangutan with a sword, once a year?
Or
(B) Fight a chicken every time you get in your car?
I find these questions annoying because they are very shallow.
Just "A or B"... no, details, no background, no reasoning... this isn't the frickin' Kobayashi Maru scenario... you can't just say "orangutan with a sword" and not bother to give me some backstory or details.
Why does the orangutan have a sword? Or do I have the sword? or do we both have swords?...
If only the orangutan has the sword, can I have a gun?... Is he any good with a sword?...
Who gave it to him and is he being paid to fight me, or does he have a genuine grievance?...
I can see several occasions where I may have offended orangutans, but maybe we can work this out without resorting to swordplay?...
Also is the fight scheduled or random?... like is it every March 12th, at 9:30 AM in the 7-11 parking lot on Montauk Highway, or is it random, like he might jump me in the cereal aisle at ShopRight or jump out of the shower in the morning...?
And the chicken...
Is this a normal chicken or some horrific Mutant Hell Chicken?...
Is the chicken magically bound to the car?... like if I leave the door open, will he go away?...
It's "a chicken", but is it the same chicken?... because if it's that one chicken I'd just park the car in the sun on a hot day with the windows rolled up and problem solved... plus I've got a free dinner...
Also is the chicken armed in any way?...
Seems suspicious that I would be offered a mostly inconvenient mildly annoying chicken fight which most definitely results in a free chicken dinner, without some undisclosed little detail like the chicken has a crossbow and he's good with it...
Who comes up with these questions?
Orangutans can be pretty chill, why would I want to fight one?... and chickens can be pretty annoying if they jump you and you aren't expecting it, but I've fought chickens... several at a time and honestly it didn't work out so well for the chicken who started it... I think with that scenario, the chicken poop all over the car would be my primary reason for rejecting the chicken fight...
Is it a chicken because fighting a chicken repeatedly is annoying?... if that's the issue, it's annoying to get in my car regardless of a murderous chicken, because people make such a mess of my damned car that every time I get in and I see all that crap and have to move water bottles and fricken charger wires or abandoned clothes I get far more annoyed that any stupid chicken with a crossbow would be me... screw that, the chicken is probably less annoying, plus there's a 90% chance, even if it was a different chicken every time, that the stupid chicken would break its neck, or die under an avalanche of crap anyway...
So yeah... I guess... "Chicken"... ?
Then again... I've never eaten orangutan... and if I can convince him he's been duped into fighting me, we can team up and find out who set this whole thing up... That sounds like a cool adventure... and I'd really like to team up with someone else besides possums and raccoons for a change...
So... maybe "Orangutan".
Whatever...
I hate these stupid questions.
If the answers are ridiculous, change the question.
Regards,
Richard